Crazy Few Months

Its been awhile since my last post so i guess i better update this and let everyone know how its going. Crazy how life sometimes like it goes by so slow but when you look back at it just cruises right on by. So Sometime in October i moved into Kalispell and now live with my sister and Casey. Its been great and i really appreciate them for wanting me to be here and all the fun we have. I think it works cause we are all so close and have so much fun together.

Work has been nuts i was getting promoted than not and back and forth lol my bro got promoted so im happy for that. Hopefully May will roll around and i can go do the forest thing. Work has been nuts with all the holiday shoppers. Black friday is always crazy and did all my holiday shopping under 150 bucks so im pretty stoked about that!

Looking forward to lots of ice fishing lots of gaming and hopefully snowmobiling this winter if we can get em fixed. I have not been myself think just do to stress and the time of year it seems to bring the stress with it for some reason lol. But that is life and just got to roll with the punches. But just figured i would give a quik update cause i must go to bed tomorrow is the first day of ice fishing Do Work!

Recap!

Well it has been a very busy couple months and nearly two months since i last blogged. Seems like life can just take over sometimes and you dont have time for the little things that you once did. September was crazy and felt very Hectic. I was moved to cash office at target and had been training in that new position along with new roles and responsibilities with in the store. It was a little unnerving at first but after i got a grasp of the new skill i was learning i feel confident and not to worried anymore. Just one more step to making myself more valuable to my job.

October well started out rough. My Uncle Chris was killed in a car accident on October 4th. It was very draining and hard to handle. He was one of my two uncles that i really cared for and really knew. I have been having a hard time sleeping cause i think about him so much at night. On the 7th i flew out to Washington State to be the best man in a good friends wedding. Was a nice little ceremony which i think they should be family and friends. It was in Elbe Washington in a little white chapel a historic 100 + year old chapel.

After the wedding i went and stayed with my dad and his wife. It was really good to see them i really enjoyed it. We went to the high school football game and my dad is a coach so i was on the sidelines. It brought back a ton of memories from as far back as i can remember. Helping my dad with what he needed to do and just watching and feeling the joy of football but also had so many other feelings. I dont think i could have asked for a better trip the football game was perfect and i really needed it. Was so good to be back on the field and around that atmosphere. Was so amazing being out there with my dad i dont think i can tell you really how i felt. But it was amazing and i loved it. Its the little moments in life that all come back and connect that matter.

All in all this is my life and i am living it to the best of my abilities. I find each day i love my family more and more everyday. I dont know what i would do with out them. I truly have started to appreciate the meaning of family. I have had a strong feeling in my life that has me to start persuing a stronger relationship with god. I finally feel like i am at a point in my life where i know i need him and want him in my life. So when my sis moves up this weekend i will hopefully be able to start going to church with them. But just loving life!

Remembering Grandma Abney

Well today marks the six year anniversary of my grandmas passing. I thought it would be good to remember her or talk about her since she has been on my mind. Grandma Abney well what can i say? She was a tiny women who gave birth to my aunt, my father and uncle. She left this world to and returned to heaven on August 18th 2003, brittany's b-day. Sorry for britt bad things always happen on her b-day but they will get better.

She was an amazing women, she was very strong willed and could be very stubborn but you would have to be if you knew my grandpa. Growing up i never really felt close to my dad's parents but they were always around i guess i felt that way because we did not get the materialistic thing from them that you want as a kid. Growing up and seeing how things were and what i did and what i could have done differently come at the speed of light. I seem to think about everything now days and try to better myself from these expiriences. Tonight i was thinking about her. And what we had been through together and as a family.

In my teens in highschool i lived with her, Well my sister Brittany and I. I will be the first to tell you i was a pain in the ass. I can see myself as a unapprciative punk teenager and know that i was not easy to deal with. I remember being so angry that she made me go to school on several occasions when i was sick and puking all night. But i realize now it was because she was trying to get me to toughen up and be the man that she wanted me to be. The pain or sickness was nothing remotely close to what she had endured or was enduring at that time. She was very very sick and i was so angry about everything in life. If i could tell her today i would tell her thanks. She played a big part in bringing me up even though i did not see it at the time. She took me to church kept food on the table and made sure i was taken care of all just because i wanted to play football in washington.

She sacraficed alot for me and over the years that has become clearer. I wish i would have appreciated it more than as i do now. But i guess thats all in part of growing up and becoming a man. I dont ever really remember or recall her ever saying i love you to me as a kid. I am sure she did but i never paid attention to that stuff like i do now. I remember her playing piano for my dad in the "White Room" and i always enjoyed that they would sing and she played it so beautifully. She was very musically talented. And was an amazing cook.

I was not there for her funeral but i did get to see her before she passed. We had a family reunion for her like she always wanted. I really think we need to have one again in her honor. Family is important and Family was a huge importance to her. I remember seeing her on that bed and my dad says Garrett is here... and she started to cry. It was the first time i had really seen her show any emotion and it made my heart sink. I wished on my life that i could have done something for her but it was just her time to leave us. I held her hand and she said she was proud of me. I remember telling her i love her for what i think was probably my first time and giving her a kiss on the forehead. I watched the tears stream down her face. I never showed it much when i was lil or when i was a teenager but i loved that women. She was family and had done so much for me and it was so hard to see her in that state.

I remember living in utah and finding out she was sick and going to my room and crying and praying for her to live a long life that we needed her. And she lived for many years after that. I feel like that prayer was answered but at that time it was her place to go back and be with our father in heaven. I wish she could be around to see me have kids and to see me grow as a man. But i know she is watching down on me from heaven. The people i have lost close to me i still feel stronger and stronger everyday like they are helping me push and pave my way to becoming the man that i need to be. Grandma was a beautiful loving women and i miss her so much and wish i could tell her thank you for everything.

I just want to say that every passing day i appreciate my family more and more.... Its amazing how important family is cause its the only real thing you have in this life. Dont hide the feelings let your family know you love them because everyone deserves to hear that. My family is all over the place but plays a very pivotal part in my life even if we dont get to see or talk as much as we should or need to. I love you grandma, you will live forever in all our hearts and memories.

25 years

On August 6th 1984 at 10:31 p.m. Is when i physically started changing lives here on earth! And i have not looked back since been doing work since i was just a lil chap running around in aqua socks, parachute pants and a mullet. Simply because thats how i roll. Just kidding! Twenty five years i have been living this life and every passing day i become even more greatful for the next. This life could end at any moment and if that were to ever happen i want to go out with people having a smile on there face.

I was blessed with a great family sure it has not been perfect not even close but its my family and thats why its so special. I was blessed with a loving mother and father. Two blood sisters and a blood brother. And two half sisters. I have had amazing grandparents and so many great memories. From all of these people i have learned varoius things about life and just morals and what not over the years. A few things i believe in and pride myself on is working hard, always being respectful, always be honest... and so on.

When i moved to montana June 16th 2008 i had no clue what i was doing. Nor did i really even care. But when i sat and thought about what i was doing i realized i was looking for me and that is exactly what i have done. I first had to forgive the people and things that made my teenage and more recent years a living hell. I had so many feelings to try and fish out and i slowly did, instead of looking at them negatively i looked at them in a positive light and tried to figure out what i could have done different and learn from it. It really helped and i feel like over the last year i have done as much as possible to move on to a life that i have always dreamed of.

I believe you cant let your past determine your future. I know that my past will only make me stronger and will never hold me back again from the things that i desire most. I am in such a great place and could not be happier with the love and support i have always recieved from my family w/o them i truly would not be who i am today. I have made a few goals for the future and those will come in time. For now I am 25 and loving life. I know there will be more stuggles along the way. I also know i will be learning till the day i die. And i hope i can remember the next 25 as well as i can the last 25. This is the next chapter in my life....

Something for her

Building a foundation for something great
Someone like you doesn't come along everyday
Give it time and let yourself heal
I will be there with you every step of the way
I wont guide you or push you or even lead you astray
Only walk with you and help you find your way
Cause someone like you is well worth the wait
I will always be there at the end of each day

More than just a game

Football is something i hold dear to my heart. Alot of people see it nothing more than just a bunch of over hyped meat heads beating on each other. Sure thats probably one of the funnest things about the game. But there is so much more to it, The pagentry that surrounds the game. The time and dedication all the preperation that goes into it. The art of the plays and the Intelligence it takes to memorize the play book from front to back, And how to read coverages. And last but not least the commrodarie, passion and brotherhood of being a football player, past and present.

I can remember nearly every single play of every single game that i was apart of. The big hits, huge runs, and the mistakes. I can visualize what i did wrong on a play and what i could have done to not let it happen again. I remember before my first high school game coach Ernest King asked me in pre- game warm ups ... are you ready? I told him i had been ready for this my whole life. All i ever wanted to do growing up was play in the NFL but than again who hadnt when they were just a boy running around in the back yard, pretending they were the great Emmitt Smith, Dan Marino and the list could go on and on. Some of the greatest things i love about football is the sound of the cleats on the pavement, The lights and the National Anthem before a game. The nerves that were in your stomech hours before a game. By games end you got to see what all your hard work was for and why you play that game you love.

Football has brought a great deal of passion to me and my life. Football isn't just a game its a stepping stone to prepare you for life. It helps you build character. It helps you for taking extreme critiquing about your every move. It helps you learn how to work as a team and how to fight for something you want and be passionate about it. Anyone who has ever strapped on a helmet can understand how it helped them shape them into who they are.

Life is full of ups and downs. Some times you will make a big play and score a touchdown or you can get a turn over and change the pace of your life and take control of whats right in front of you. If you are passionate about something and believe in it you can achieve anything. You can be down on in the trenches in the pouring rain but if you put your heart into it and give it 110% no matter what the outcome is you can say i tried my best and laid it all out there on the field.

There were many times when i wanted to quit football. But my dad would always push me and i hated it. But after a long nights talk the next practice i would go out and tear up people on the field and gain my confidence again. I will never say that i did not need that push, because sometimes in life thats exactly what we need is to have a fire lit under our ass. The great game of football has tought me so much about myself and how to work hard for everything i have. How to be passionate about things that i care about and to always dream big. This life is to short to live with a loss from last week its in the past now its time to prepare for the next big thing that we have infront of us. #44

One Year

Well figure i better get to this now or i wont get to it at all. June 16th 2009 wont mean alot to alot of people. But for me its a anniversary, It marks one year that i made the choice to sell all my belongings and load a suit case with my clothes and take a plane to live in Montana. This was one of the easiest decisions i ever made in my life. I was depressed one year ago. Very depressed a very angry and bitter person about life and what it had dealt me. I was doing things i should not be doing and hanging with people who i should not have been.

I did not want to be angry anymore I wanted to forgive the ones who had done me wrong i wanted to change my life. I had goals for myself that would never be obtainable in the position i had put myself in. I had a list of things i wanted to do. I wanted to move to the country, I wanted to start over and move closer to my roots i wanted to shoot for my dreams that i had always wanted and that i was letting slip away. My dad used to have a few sayings he said over and over to his football players and well of course me. He would always say "If you believe it you can achieve it" and "If you think you can you can, If you think you cant your RIGHT" For the first time in my life i wanted to do something for me and find myself. I knew i could and i knew exactly how to do it and what i wanted.

I can say that i have found myself. I can also say i have never been happier. I have also become a man. I did it on my own terms and had the people around me to help me achieve what i wanted over the last year. They listened to me and my feelings and gave me guidance and ideas. And i am better for it. When i moved here i also made a vow to myself i would be single for one year... Accomplished! I also wrote off sex for one year.... Accomplished! To be honest i thought both of those would be hard and ended up being pretty easy. It helped me grow in ways that i cant explain but it helped me with my self confidence. It also helped me gain my pride back and that i set out to do something and accomplished it. I wanted to move up in target my first job in montana since moving here. I also accomplished that sure i didnt get the first promotion i went for but I did move up and have more opportunities in the future.

Over the last year i can see how much i have grown. How much i have matured and how i have became a better man and have a good head on my shoulders. I still have more goals and dreams for the future. I believe that if you set your mind to having a positive attitude you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. I have tried to be nothing more than positive this last year and it has done me wonders. I try to look at every misfortune as an opportunity to bring me strength and learn from the expirience. Some of the goals i have for the future are to pay off my debts which i have recently been working really hard on. In the next five years i would like to get married and start a family. I know what i do today can make a better life for my family in the future. Having a family has been a dream of mine since i was just a child. I would like to continue to work hard and move my way up the corporate ladder at Target. I know to go as high as i can there i will need a degree. Which is something i may persue in the future. I would also like to possibly try stand up comedy. Cause i mean who else walks around with the whistling smile and the smile farts other than this guy.

The future is unwritten and I look forward to the experiences that will let me fill in those pages. I have a new attitude about life. I love it! I love my family and my true friends. I have done it and you guys all helped me out along the way. I really could not have done it with out you guys. This is the only life you get and a year ago i decided i wanted to live a great one. And that is what i am going to do. Life is to short to dwell on the past. I have learned to persever and become a stronger person. With out any of the experiences i have gone through i would not be who i am today. I may say my misfortunes but in reality they are opportunities, And for that i am a better person. So to those who will listen live this life to the fullest. Cause we only get this one shot. I will end this on a quote that i live my life by. I found it right after i moved to Montana. "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today" James Dean